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Ever since I started MySpace I've found 3 spiders hanging from my face. I think two were from my hair and that always freaks me out the most because you think it's some huge floating... thing like a mile away until you realize it's actually an arachnid an inch from your eyeball. I think the other was from my hat.
The other day someone was talking about that lady in Garden State who sang Once, Twice, Three Times a Lady at the guy's mom's funeral and they said, "Where did they find that lady!?" I think about that sometimes. Like decrepid actors. Are there scouts that go and find decrepid actors? - "Excuse me, maam, we're making a movie that calls for a decrepid old woman, and we were just wondering if..." Or perhaps there is a guild of decrepid actors that is broken into different sects of decrepidness you can look through in a catalogue or something. Anyway, this lady I don't think is decrepid, but I think I did figure out where they found her. Isn't she that lady from those Ginkgo Biloba commercials in the angel costume? Maybe not. But at the time of my epiphany I was having one of those energy drinks that has Ginkgo Biloba in it and I thought, "Man, this stuff really does work!" And if she is the same lady, what a crazy coincidence.
Hey thanks for hanging in there this long to read this thing. That's all I have right now. Oh, check out www.thehungersite.com and click on the give free food button. What happens is you get a pop up advertisement from some other company that gives the hungersite money each time someone clicks on the button to get a pop up and the hungersite is nonprofit so they take that money and buy food with it, 1.1 cups of staple food to be exact, and give it to kids who are hungry. It's not much, but it's real easy and if a lot of people did it it would be better. You can only do it once a day though. You can also help save the rain forrest and fund breast cancer research and stuff like that. Kay, I'm being kicked off the computer now, so later.
Mark
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Last time me and my buddies went to the bon fires at
the beach all of a sudden all these bums came out of
no where and sat down at our fire and took over and no
one knew what to do. We just sat there quietly for a
few and then left. Then we got angry and dragged or
pallet of wood back in order to reclaim or fire pit.
We're standing there all tough and these two bums drag
out this stack of like 6 pallets and we're like,
"...oh..." So we just chilled together and they were
alright. One dude looked just like Iggy Pop. Same
facial feature, hair, no shirt, jeans, same body
figure, and he was all dancing around like a crazy
hippy. I sang him "I Wanna Be Your Dog," like the
whole song, and we both danced together like crazy
hippies as I played air guitar. Tonight these two
dikes (I say 'dikes' cuz they were the butch type, you
know, the angry kind) took over our fire. Just two of
them! We had a few people guarding the pit and one of
them was being a pussy and he cut a deal with the
dikes that we'd stay for only an hour then they could
have it. And then they came back in an hour and were
pissed cuz we didn't want to go. We went. We came
back later. But still, we got owned by two ladies. I
guess you could say we got man-handled. I think. I
don't really know what that means but I think if
anyone was going to handle anything like a man it
would be these two ladies. Yup. Later skater.
Mark
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Wednesday, April 28th, 2004
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| Subject: | Donovans |
| Time: | 3:59 pm. |
| Mood: |  angry. | | Music: | donovan (the real one) - jennifer juniper. |
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You know what's retarded? There's two Donovons. I
guess there's this new Jack Johnson surfer guy called
Donovan who's not actually Donovan but calls himself
Donovan. Donovan was from the sixties and did "Mellow
Yellow" and a whole buch of other cool songs. i
haven't really looked into it, but perhaps Donovan
(the real Donovan) pulled a Cher and then learned how
to surf and stuff. I highly doubt that though.
Anyways, the fake Donovan is on my stupid-person-list
forever for confusing me and everyone else when we
talk about how cool Donovan is. Later.
Mark
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Saturday, April 3rd, 2004
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One heads-up, this e-mail is insanely long. I
apologize. So this year I started playing the game
Halo on my buddies' X-Boxes. Fun. We entered this
tournament here for a chance of $100. We practiced up
and formed a team. Our name is Team Peenuth. My
personal screen name is Cheese-O-Ma. Cool huh. At
the tournament there is a bunch of pre-games to find
out where you play in the tournament. We played
against every single team and lost every single one.
We were kind of laughed at. But when the real
tournament came we got like 3rd or 4th place, out of 6
teams. In the real tournament every game was best out
of three and we won it, only the first one. The next
game we played against the team that ended up winning
the tournament and we actually did pretty got at not
getting slaughtered. Being in different rooms we were
able to devise a plan. Yup. We watched the winning
team win and it was actually really exciting. Good
fun. I tried drinking for the first time. I got a
bit tipsy… to the point where I thought I knew karate.
It was Bacardi Gold (so gross) and some green stuff.
My friend has a video of us and it’s real embarrassing
to watch. I kept on bringing the plunger out of the
bathroom claiming to be Plunger Man. I never thought
that’d be me. Someone called me “Mr. Perfect” in kind
of a… not friendly way cuz I never had so much as a
drop my whole life. I figured that wasn’t worth
seeing what part of life and culture I was letting
pass me by without any knowledge of it. I was also
watching Marlon Brando enjoy his wine in the Godfather
and that’s a taste you only get with alcoholic
beverages and I hear it’s pretty good so I want to at
least try it. It wasn’t that bad. I still think
getting drunk is way stupid. It really is just
getting stupid and everyone else can be stupid around
you so everyone can be stupid together and not even
know it. Everyone’s laughing, but at what. Stupid
stuff you don’t even half remember the next day. It’s
like you’re laughing on the outside but inside it’s
like, that’s not really funny at all. I’d rather just
have the same amount of enjoyment with things that
actually are entertaining, like music or just hanging
out with people who I enjoy being with. My neighbor
heard me talk to my roommate about how we had alcohol
and now he’s all What’s up, dude to me. Like, now I’m
in cuz I can get stupid too. Never talked to me
before, now I’m rad. Whatever. But I am a hypocrite,
I guess, because for some reason (I can’t figure out)
it’s way funny to talk about drunken stories. Why are
those funny? Is tripping on yourself and falling
against the wall really that funny. So here’s my
breakdown; I’m cool with wine when it’s like just for
the taste, I’m not cool with drinking just to get
drunk or the buzz - for like loosening up or being
cool or having a good time. I’m not gonna look down
on someone who is like having a hard time and feels
like they need a drink to cool down or whatever. I
don’t think it’s the right way to deal with things and
the reason I’m not looking down is because it’s sad,
not because it’s cool. It’s also sad when people make
that their lives and so much is revolved around that.
I also feel it’s almost more of an issue of stupidity
than morality. People have their own decisions and
I’m not going to think any person is worse because of
any of this, just a little dumber. So I’m in that
Hispanic club, right, well their was this girl their,
and no one’s being fooled, she was down-right fugly.
We had a painful conversation and she asked what I was
doing that night and I said home work in the Mac Lab.
She also tells everyone she’s engaged. So later I’m
in the Mac Lab. And she walks in just before closing
and sits next to me. I ask what she came to the Mac
Lab for. She says to talk to you (me). Wow. She got
brave. She asks what I’m doing after this and I said
nothing, because it was late. She asks if she can
hang out with me. I say … uh, okay. I ask what she
wants to do and she says go for a ride. I thought,
fine, I can be nice. And we drive around and I ask if
there’s any where she wants to go. She says the
beach. I really don’t know why I kept on saying okay.
So we walk on the beach and she won’t stop talking to
me. She asks me if I want a massage. And I’m like,
EWWW NO! She’s like it’s just a massage, I’m like I
don’t even know you. I kept on saying I want to go
and she kept on saying she wanted to “kick it” a
little longer. I ended up grabbing her arm and
pulling her off of the sand. You ever see those dudes
with the real ugly Hispanic girl in overalls and the
dude always has like JNCO jeans on or something and a
basket ball jersey and a sideways hat on and perhaps
a real weak pencil moustache, yeah, that’s this kind
of girl. So I drop her off and she asks for my number
and I don‘t know how to say no or lie so I give it to
her and she gives me 2 pieces of paper each with her
number on it. Next day. I have class in the Mac Lab.
She is waiting outside of the library (the Mac Lab’s
in the library) sitting on the steps looking at me and
I walk by say Hi and keep on walking with my friend.
After class I’m walking out and there are computers at
the end of the hall way and she’s on the closest one
and she’s just looking at me and I pretend like I
didn’t see her. It’s the day after she met me and she
already knows my schedule? Scary. I’ve never seen
her before and now I see her all the time and I always
pretend like I don’t see her. She calls me and she
wants to “kick it,” I say no, she asks what I’m doing,
I say nothing, she says come on, just for five
minutes, I say no, she says you don’t know what you’re
missing, I laugh. I tell her that her fiancé probably
doesn’t appreciate her hanging out on the beach one on
one with a dude at midnight offering him massages, she
says I’m just afraid of her, I say I guess so, she
reminds me I don’t know what I’m missing, I said I had
to go. A day or so later I’m in the cafeteria eating
and my friends get quiet, not to uncommon so I just
ate then they inform me that she was circling the
table we were at that was thankfully full. Later we
watched her slowly circle the interior of the
cafeteria looking at me. The next day she sat at the
table right next to the one I was at so we were both
facing each other. I spent the whole meal not looking
at her. At dinner that day my friend and I watched
her circle the interior of the caf again than she went
on the balcony. I described her to my friend when she
was out of sight. I said she was the girl with the
headphones around her neck. She went to the room
where you get food. We left and he had to see her so
he walked in the room even though I told him not to
and he was looking around real obvious like so I walk
in the other door to get him and I’m face to face with
Fugly. I notice that they weren’t headphones around
her neck, but binoculars. I’m like hey, what are the
binoculars for? Bird watching? She’s like… well…I
woke up this morning…and thought you know… you never
know if there’s something in the distance you might
want to…watch… … I’m like I have to go. Later.
Freaky, dude. She’s watching me. She’s probably
reading this e-mail right now too. I’m coming home
for 5 days for Easter break. I’m coming in on the 7th
of this month. I think we’re gonna do Zaireeka again.
Kay, I better stop this e-mail right now. Thanx for
reading the boring details of me life. Later.
Mark
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I just saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I
liked it a lot a lot. I think it's the best movie
from that Kaufman guy yet (Adaptation and stuff). I
like the story and I thought it was done really good
and cool and stuff. I think the movie is in my top 5
movie category. Actually in the top 4 movie category.
I think everyone should go see it. I shouldn't talk
it up so much, cuz I don't want to set your
expectations to high. I just think if you have a few
bucks you should go see it. I don't really know what
to say about it. I don't buy too many movies, but I'm
gonna get it when it comes out on video. Like after
the movie was over, I wanted to sit down right then
for another hour and a half and watch it again. That
never really happened to me before. Also Jim Carey's
character reminded me of myslef a lot. Like in the
beginning his conversation with the girl are like
exactly like mine. Uh, I have to go right now.
Later.
Mark
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So there's this ministry group on campus here called
Carpenters Crew who go around fixing things for people
and building things you know and I happen to be in
this group. So yesterday we went to Mexico to build a
church building for these poor people. I get there
and I don't really know anyone except for the girl who
puts it together. Someone says a prayer for the trip
and we get into two seperate vans. No one's saying
anything and the girl sitting in back with me asks me
if I turned in this huge assignment for this class
that I didn't even know she was in with me. I realize
that I totally forgot about the paper and dropped the
biggest F-Bomb I ever have dropped... Silence once
again. Now, I don't have the dirtiest mouth, but if
there is a reason to drop a F-Bomb, that's it. I was
basicly still asleep because just three hours before I
was playing video games with my buddies, I woke up 8
minutes before we had to leave, and waking up is when
I do most of my swearing. So back to the silence.
... So I figured I had to say something, "... You
only get one first impression, right?" Am I retarded?
I don't know, man. It took me the whole friggin day
to charm them all into thinking I'm not the child of
Satan himself. When we were like an hour into Mexico
we stopped at a gas station and we took a potty break.
The pills I take for my acid reflux give me the worst
runs so I myself ran to the bathroom. The girls
bathroom was the next bathroom down the hall (this
actually is significant to the story; emkay?). So I'm
taking care of biznazz when this anient dude walks in
at .02 miles per hour. I say hi to him from the can
but he doesn't respond. I noticed that something else
was not... um... exactly... right... This here is the
order of my realization: This dude left the door wide
open, there is no door in my stall, I am facing the
hall, I am half naked dropping a deuce, the girls are
right next door and are going to walk by in exactly
33.8 seconds. For like a full minute I am completly
frozen. I can't hide and God forbid they catch me in
the act of cleaning the doo-doo from my bum-bum. The
old dude leaves me with no mercy and closes the door
not. So there I helplessly s(h)it. But, praise be to
God, Dave, the only other dude from the van, walks in
to take care of some biznazz of his own. And, even
more praise to God, he closes the door behind him and
I clean up like someone just enemaed me with tabasco
sauce. I walked out just in time, the girls were
right behind me. Dave, was my new favorite person on
the trip. When we got there it was so crazy. People
live in boxes not even as nice as the ones we get our
computers in. They all seemed happy though. I guess
that's the way life is over there. I don't know. All
the little kids liked us and there were like a hundred
of the swarming around us like a pack of dogs or
something. I guess I was funny or something because
they were all pointing and laughing at me. And it
wasn't like we were laughing together or anything,
there was like a pool of children around me all faced
at me laughing and me just standing there confused. I
guess they just wanted a muffin. Whatever. So I
spent the whole day making a frames for walls in this
house. Hard work. Especially when you're hammering
at the ceiling from the top of a ladder. My arm
started to feel like jelly. But it was good fun for a
good purpose. I thanked the pastor for the
opportunity to spread some love. He didn't get it.
So we got some tacos from this restaraunt that was
basically made out of some sheet metal. They all had
carne asada tacos for 60 cents each. Not a bad price.
I couldn't though cuz I can't have beef. So I had
the white meat. I thought the guy said it was pork.
I had four. I didn't like it. The meat was kind of
tough and chewy and cut into all these flat pieces.
Dave then tried some too. He said that wasn't pork.
He said it was like heart or intestine or something
like that. I wanted to puke. I went to the car and
had a banana. But before that I had to take the
Browns to the Super Bowl, again (stupid acid reflux
pills). We had TP with us because we know that most
of these places don't have their own. I went into the
bathroom (I could smell it like 15 feet away) and the
toilet was a spitting image of that toilet in
Trainspotting except this one had no seat. So I just
walked right out with my roll of TP in my hand and
1000 pounds of pressure in my stomach. We found
another place with a better bathroom. We then waited
at the border for over two hours before we got home.
What a day. We have it so good in the states. Kay.
That's the end of my story of May hee ko. Later.
Mark
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Wednesday, March 17th, 2004
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So I've decided that having top ten favorite band
lists is kind of lame. I think I always thought that
but not to the point where being a hypocrit was a big
deal. But my list changes like every week. I guess I
can say who I'm into at the moment, but picking
absolute favorites is kind of... I don't know, like
not a right thing for music. Like The Beatles will
probably always be my number one all time band, not
cuz I pick them but cuz they just naturally are. But
it's like I always put them as number one on my lists
without hardly thinking about it and I usually go a
month or two at a time before even putting on one of
their albums. There's plenty of other music to
explore and enjoy. I souldn't play favorites in art.
So I'll make a list not for my favorite bands, but one
for who I'm into the most right now. Cuz for some
reason I enjoy making lists and also sharing with
people:
1. The Zombies
2. The Flaming Lips
3. Charles Mingus
4. Radiohead
5. Mellow
6. Donovon
7. The Super Furry Animals
8. Chet Baker
9. Justin Timberlake
10. Electric Light Orchestra
So I've been real busy these past few days. I almost
pulled an all nighter last night with one nap (about
an hour long) and I'm not really tired or anything
either. And there's something about wearing the same
outfit two days in a row. I don't know. Try it
sometime. I think I feel more real, or something...
Or maybe more dirrty. I'm always thinking if anyone
notices even though I know they don't. I was walking
to class today and some girl I don't even know asked
me if I'm wearing green (it's Saint Patty's Day), I
look at myself and found no green. So she gives me a
pinch but she misses and just gets my jacket (the
leather one). I figured I had better respond so I
gave a courtesy 'AHHH!!!'. I wonder if she just
thinks that I have really loose skin on my arms now.
Hmmm... I sold some old CDs and got two DVDs: Saving
Private Ryan and Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon. I
studied for weeks for this one test and I bombed it.
I guessed on ever single question. Today I had the
longest fart I ever had in my life and it was big too.
Not just some squeeker, like a lengthy single
continuous harty fart. I like stopped what I was
doing mid fart and realized that I was still farting.
I then realized that I had to pee and so I went and
had probably one of the top 5 longest pees I've ever
had too. Wow. What a day. My neighbor's somke
detector was going off today for no reason and
wouldn't turn off. I told him to just break it and to
my suprise he actually did. I heard a whak and the
noise stopped and I looked over and he had a big ol
pipe in his hand. He said, "Good idea." I guess.
Jeez, man. It was a joke. Well, I'm gonna go take a
shower now. Later.
Mark
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So I just saw The Passion. It was pretty neat. Good
story, good make-up effects, good soundtrack... but
some thing was missing. I don't know. It just didn't
seem like an epic film and I really wanted it to. It
was good though. Kind of like how you enjoy a funny
movie because it has funny jokes - not because it was
a good movie. So I liked it. After the movie some
dude handed me out a flier for God or something. I'm
like, "That's cool I guess." Because Christians who
beat people over their heads with "the word" or
whatever really bother me because in society they
represent who I am, you know. But this dude was okay.
He was just handing me a flyer in case I wanted to go
to his church. But then some dude came up to me and
my friends and for some reason he decided to talk to
me in particular and he asked me how I liked the
movie. I told him it was alright but the shots could
have been better or the editing could have been better
or the film makers could have done whatever it is that
they do to make an epic film better (I don't know. I
don't make epic films. I just watch them). He then
asked me if I know why Jesus died for me. And I was
like, yeah, and I think there are better more
unannoying relaxed ways of going about telling people
about it. And I gave him the whole 'beating the word
over my head' spiel because we both knew he had just
begun doing it. And I don't remember exactly what I
said but I guess I grilled him cuz my friends were
both, "Dude, that was a bit harsh." I don't think
said anything out of line - those people annoy /
misrepresent / anger me, and he had it comming. I
also saw the Butterfly Effect the other day because
The Passion was all sold out. I though it was a lot
better than I thought it would be. No comment really,
I just liked it. It had good interesting stuff in it.
I might not be comming on the fifth. That's what I
wrote down, but my sister said the seventh. I'll have
to check that one out. Okay, here's the big news. I
saw the Zombies and it was... good. Yeah, some of it
was pretty lame, but the rest was amzingly fantastic.
The first two bands were fairly gay. It was an old
run down place from the Sixties that was next to a
dentist office. Rude service, bad food that we were
forced to buy (but they forgot to charge me and my
buddy for the chips. they were like $4.50. Yeah
right!), the table for all five us us was literally a
foot and a half in diameter - I am not joking. They
brought Mike a knife for his steak and veggies and no
knife and the other waitresses wouldn't help us and
ours was ignoring us. So he went to cut his steak and
he pushed down on the plate and it was hanging off the
table so when he pushed down he catapaulted the whole
meal on Robbie's lap. We were entertained by the
opening acts only by their abilities to be so
amazingly lame. The Zombies finnally came on. Colin
can still sing pretty good, but he was sick, but
that's okay cuz he still has that amazing sounding
voice. Rod tore up the keyboards like he only got
better and sang great. His style is awesome. He
looked just like Gruff from The Super Furry Animals
(bushy hair in his face and all) and even played the
keyboard with his foot and bounced around all crazy
cool like. His vocals made the harmonies great. They
were both pretty funny. The bass player was the
original replacement for Chris White, I think. Chris
was the other song writer besides Rod. Bummer he
wasn't there. We all agreed the the bass player
looked just like Bilbo Baggins from Lord of the Rings
when he got really old. He did play bass well though.
The drummer and the guitarist were both studio
musicians which kind of blows, but it wasn't that bad
for the original Zombies songs - they played just how
it was played on the albums, except for one or two
horrendous 80's metal riffs. All the other songs from
their solo carreers were pretty lame but they closed
with almost all Zombies songs which was really really
really neato. They played Time of the Season way too
fast though. Also, did you know that they wrote God
Gave Rock n Roll to You? You know the Kiss song? You
can tell the most in the melody line of the chorus.
And they played it too (oh how I wish they hadn't).
They closed with Summertime and opened with some
non-original Zombies song. Afterwards the were
signing stuff, so I had Vargas get me my Zombies CDs
from his car and I had both of them sign both of them
and I shook their hands and I told them how much I
love their music and I was shaking so they knew I was
for real and I kept on saying thank you and they both
gave me really genuine thank yous back even after I
walked away from Rod and glanced back he looked at me
again and gave me another genuine thank you and I
think they said something to Mike about how they
appreciate having us young kids listening to them and
stuff - I loked around during the show and we were
like the only people under 30 that weren't their with
their parents... I FREAKING MET THE ZOMBIES!!!!!!!!!!
Okay. All done. Here's the music I'm obsessing over
lately as well as music that's new to me and good:
Charles Mingus, Mellow, Lemon Jelly, Four Tet -
Rounds, Prefuse 73 (most of their music), The Flaming
Lips (Mike just got Zaireeka and we're gonna listen to
it asap), and (of coures) The Zombies. Well, I'll see
some of you in a few days, I think. Later.
Mark
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